What Faith Can Do - Kutless

I think this song says it all without me yapping. :) Hope you are blessed as much by the lyrics to this song as I was.


Everybody falls sometimes
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes and make a new beginning
Anyone can feel the ache
You think its more than you can take
But you are stronger, stronger than you know
Don't you give up now
The sun will soon be shining
You gotta face the clouds
To find the silver lining

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

It doesn't matter what you've heard
Impossible is not a word
It's just a reason for someone not to try
Everybody's scared to death
When they decide to take that step
Out on the water
It'll be alright
Life is so much more
Than what your eyes are seeing
You will find your way
If you keep believing

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do

Overcome the odds
You do have a chance
(That's what faith can do)
When the world says you can't
It'll tell you that you can!

I've seen dreams that move the mountains
Hope that doesn't ever end
Even when the sky is falling
And I've seen miracles just happen
Silent prayers get answered
Broken hearts become brand new
That's what faith can do
That's what faith can do!
Even if you fall sometimes
You will have the strength to rise

God's Riding Shotgun

Faith.
Defined as:
"1. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
2. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. See Synonyms at belief, trust.
3. Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance".

Hope.
Defined as:
"1. To look forward to with confidence or expectation.
2. To expect and desire."

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1

Hebrews 11:1 is a verse that I hold very near and dear to my heart. I came across this verse just as I realized I was about to become separated and now recently divorced. It encompasses so much in such a short statement. So many times over the past year I thought about this. What do I hope for in the future? Do I have faith in a God who will see me through? Do I have faith in myself that I can be strong enough to take on the challenge?

I won't deny that often times I did sit down and wonder if God is even there. I still do. There have been some exceptionally good times...and some very low times over the past year. This past month alone has challenged me both emotionally and mentally to an extent I never thought possible. I have found myself in some of the lowest valleys but yet also have stood high on mountains.

Saturday night I needed a pick-me-up. I had a very rough week and all I needed was to feel love and close to God. On top of all else that had gone on during the week, Saturday also happened to be the 6 year anniversary of my grandmothers passing. I was excited about attending the second Respond evening but as the time drew nearer for me to get in the truck and drive over there, I found myself hesitating. Hesitating out of fear that I would be an emotional basketcase there surrounded by strangers. I was doubting God's existance again and thought maybe by going I could reconnect - that God and I could start getting our relationship back on track - go for coffee so to speak. :)

I walked in and was greated with a hug and took my seat...then the music started. I felt goosebumps. Slowly the chairs started to fill...people standing, singing, clapping hands, swaying arms and hands in the air. A few times throughout the evening people were cheering, hooting and hollering like a concert. People were so on fire for the Lord. They wanted to see the community change for the good.

Then there was silence...and the instrumental introduction of a song I knew I had heard before...and then I realized what it was. I tried to stand but had to sit down. The one song I hoped they wouldn't sing..."How Great Thou Art" - was at my grandmas funeral. I completely broke down in my seat. Shortly after that song concluded they did it again...and this time it was "Amazing Grace"! The 2 songs I was hoping with every ounce of my power wouldn't be played were. (If you have read other blog entries of mine you will note I have mentioned this before about these two songs!) But for the first time (I think ever!) I was able to sing Amazing Grace without crying. I felt at peace...for the first time I realized this isn't a song about sadness but about comfort and why it is so often at funerals.

They also lead a a song I had never before - "Rain Down" by Delirious but during that song I felt goosebumps from the tip of my toes to the tip of my nose. I felt God there with me...I felt His hands on my shoulders...I felt the rain pouring down over me, His love pouring over me, and His arms around me. I felt alive.

One of the next songs was "Holy is the Lord". I couldn't help but stand there dancing, hands raised, knowing I can do this. He is my strength. Only through Him have I made it through the hard times the past year...and only through Him will I make it through the struggles right now. It is my faith and hope that everything will be ok. He has always provided for me. He has always sheltered me. He has always loved me.

God will not leave me. He is there for the long-haul. I just need to let him into the car. He has the map, the snacks and the gas money. I just need to drive and have faith that I won't get lost. But seriously...how can I get lost with the Man who created the world riding shotgun?!

2 steps ahead...and 3 steps back

Well here I am almost one year after starting this blog. I logged in to do a blog today about how I need to rebuild walls in my life. The moment I let them down, something happens and wish I had never let it down. So here I am rebuilding again. A year after I started this blog...talking about how I build walls. Sigh.

Here I thought I had made so many steps ahead. Improved in so many areas of my life. Accomplished so much in the past year.

But then here I am again. Back where I began last fall. The exact same place mentally. Alone. Hurt. Building a wall to hide behind. Again I swear I never will let this wall down...I guess only time will tell what I write about over the next year and if next September the wall goes up again...

Warriors, Picket Fences and Getting Stuck

Somewhere In The Middle – Casting Crowns

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle


To me it seems there is no worse place to be than stuck in the middle. In a state of limbo. A state of indecision. As the song says, you are neither hot nor cold, nor new or old, etc.

There are some decisions in life that are easy to make. And others are next to impossible. It seems sometimes that you will lose no matter what decision you make but need to trust that you have made the best one. To have faith that you have made the right one.

As much as we are supposed to pray for everything both good and bad, so often we end up just calling out to God during our times of need - at times when we need to make decisions. We are supposed to cast all our cares and worries on Him, but also to praise Him in thanksgiving for all the good in our lives as well.

There comes a time in our lives when we will all be stuck in the middle. Have a lukewarm faith. I’m there now. I long for that fire. That closeness. That passion. But it seems so many things keep stepping in my way. I think it comes down to the one line of the song “Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control.” I’m a control freak. I’ll admit it. I like order. I like to know what is going on at all times. I like to plan everything around me. Surrendering control seems completely impossible for me. But I have taken the first step.

On Good Friday I walked up the aisle to the cross and I nailed something to it, then took communion. I surrendered something from my life over to God. I decided at that moment I could no longer carry that burden. I surrendered it to God. I have been wanting to do it and mentally already had, but being physically able to “nail it to the cross” lifted a huge weight from my shoulders and from my heart. I immediately felt a sense of freedom. I felt God’s love flow over my body and fill my heart. For one moment, I finally didn’t feel like I was just “lukewarm”. I felt a fire inside – a warmth – a sense of peace. This was a feeling I wouldn’t trade for the world.

I want to live a life I can be proud of. I want to be strong and fearless. I want to set an example for my children. I want them to look at me one day and say “I’m so glad you are my mom”. I want to know that I’ve been a positive influence on peoples lives around me. I want to be a fearless warrior. I want to live the life He has planned for me. I want to have faith that can move mountains. I want to love like nothing else. I want to give all I am and all I have to make life better for others.

But first I need to learn to surrender, or else I’ll always be stuck in the middle. I don’t want to be in the middle. I want to be high on that mountain, rejoicing in the clouds, not just found somewhere in the middle.

Open Doors

There are many different quotes about how if you close one door another door will open. I came across this other quote that I like better: “Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late one that is open.” – Alexander Graham Bell.

How incredibly true. So often we are blinded and preoccupied with the fact that we are closing a door, or it is closing on us, that we don’t see what opportunities are before us. That sometimes the closing of a door is opening to something wonderful. It’s all in the perspective you want to have. Do you see things positively or negatively? Is the hourglass running out of time or do you think…”ok, there are still a few more grains of sand left…what will I do with that time”?

But the bigger question is, is the door actually closing? Sometimes a door closing really is a door opening. A door opening to possibilities. Opening to adventure. Opening to experiences one would never have if the door didn’t “close”.

Take for example a relationship ending. Whether it be a relationship ending mutually or not, a door is closing. Something that was a constant in your life is no longer there. A door has closed. Or has it really? It’s all in how you look at it.

One could see it as a negative thing. That a door has closed and I can never go back to the way things were and my life will never be the same. That is true. Life never will be the same. That person has left a huge impact and “footprint” on your life. That will never go away.

But in the same situation, look at it with a positive spin. Yes the relationship has ended and a door has closed, but is there a possibility for a different type of relationship? Do I have wonderful memories to reflect on? Can I see this as a door opening instead of one closing? In every situation there is an opportunity. An opportunity to grow. To become a better person. To experience life fuller and deeper each day.

The same thing goes for job situations. If someone loses their job, a door has closed. But equally, a lot of other doors have opened as well. Perhaps it’s a chance to change a career completely. Maybe it’s a chance to go back to school. What was gained from the previous job? Experiences to bring forward to a new job. Incredible references for any future employment opportunities.

It is so easy to get caught up with the fact that a door is closing. It is far too easy to just curl up sitting next to the door, holding your knees, rocking back and forth. Or even standing at the door, banging on it with both fists, even kicking it, hoping to break it down so that it would be open again. But does this solve anything.

Even if the door reopened, it technically isn’t reopening. It is another door opening completely – one of those doors that wasn’t seen while your entire focus was on the first door closing. You can’t go back in time. Nothing can be the same as it was. But you can walk through that new door, learn from the past and enjoy each and every second beyond that next door.

2009

It’s almost the New Year. Almost 2009. Where did the time go? It seems like only yesterday that my baby girl and baby boy were born. 2009 means Jenalyn is only one more year away from starting school. I’m not ready for that – but won’t allow myself to think about that yet!

The New Year is a time when people choose to make resolutions. For some reason, the turn of a new year sparks a desire in people to change their lives and set goals for the next year. More often than not these goals are not accomplished. Why? Maybe it’s the hype of making resolutions and not a true desire for the change. That’s not to say all resolutions fail, but I can honestly say none of mine have ever lasted past the first 3 weeks! I choose to look at things differently.

This year, New Years is different for me. My life has already changed drastically. I don’t think I need to make any resolutions beyond living day by day and finding the positive in every situation. To me, resolutions can be made any day of the year, not just January 1. But this year, January 1 is more than a start of a new year. It’s a start of a different life. It’s the start of figuring out who I am and what I want in life. It’s the start of doing things on my own. It’s the start of developing strength. It’s the start of finding a happiness, peace and contentment I long for. It’s a time to embrace the present and look to the future, day by day. It’s a time to tell those around me that I love them. It’s a time to tell myself I love me. It’s a time to realize the blessings in my life. It’s a time to realize there are struggles but that I can gain the strength to move through them.

I wish all of my friends and family all the best in the New Year. I pray for you to feel love and to love. I pray for you to feel true happiness – not just a outward smile, but that your heart is smiling. I pray for you to find peace in all aspects of your life. Don’t get caught up in making resolutions to lose weight or to save more money or to take a trip. Think about what really matters in life and resolve to embrace those things. That is where you will find true happiness and love and peace.

Life's A Dance

For some people scents or sights can transfer a person back to another time in their life. They can bring back memories of a good time or a bad time. Remind them of where the have come from and where they are going.

Music does this for me. Certain songs and sounds can instantly send my mind back to a particular time. It can feel so real, to the point that I can even smell those surroundings, hear what was going on around me, and feel almost as deeply if not as deeply as I did in that moment. This is a true blessing and a gift to me. But at times is something I wish I didn’t have the ability to experience. There are some times in life I’d rather forget but yet know that without those experiences, I wouldn’t be where I am today. So I choose to be thankful for the gift and learn from the experiences and memories.

Those that have read this blog or know me know how important music is to me. How I don’t just listen to the music, I read the lyrics, feel the lyrics, and can interpret them into my life. I know that each song writer has their own story behind the lyrics but so many times I feel like they are writing about my life – about my struggles – about the good things I’m experiencing and feeling. I guess that’s the most amazing thing about music and why so many people love it as much as I do. How it can be such a comfort to those with a broken heart, to those struggling with something, to those who just want to celebrate, and for any other reason.

Because of how deeply music and lyrics touch me I often spend a good portion of worship time at church in tears. I can connect to the music and more often than not those who have written the songs (both religious and secular) have found a way to say what I long to say, in a much better way.

I’m known to send songs to friends or a note saying, “hey you have to listen to this song…”. When I send that note, it’s very rare that I’m sending it because I just like the song. It’s because the lyrics mean something special to me, that I think that friend would relate to the lyrics, or simply that the song lyrics/melody made me think of the friend immediately. I know not everyone connects the same way with music as I do but find this is the best way for me to sometimes let people know I’m thinking about them and care about them.

Some of the songs that hold a special place in my heart and always transport me to another place in mind and heart, more times than not bringing tears to my eyes are listed below. (And apparently I have country-music loving kids!)

Amazing Grace: As much as this is a beautiful song, I always associate it with a “funeral song”. Every funeral I went to growing up had this song played at it. I have a very hard time hearing the song for what it is and what it says without associating it in this way and thinking of those who have passed away – bringing tears to my eyes.

How Great Thou Art: same as above. I have vowed that these two songs will NOT be played at my funeral.

Old Rugged Cross: I remember my mom and I standing at the sink washing and drying dishes singing this song growing up.

Roll With Me – Montgomery Gentry: This is a new song on the radio right now. I heard it and instantly loved it. Jenalyn has an incredible love of music and always asks to hear this song too. Everytime it’s on the radio she sings it word for word at the top of her lungs with me. It came on the radio on Sunday on the way to the farm – so each time I hear it right now, reminds me of how much I miss her (and Tarren).

She’s A Butterfly – Martina McBride: This was the only song that would stop Jenalyn from crying as I rocked her to sleep for months as a baby. As much as I wished those days would hurry and pass, I would love to have the days back when I could just hold her, have her cuddle up to me and hold my baby girl.

Didn’t Even See The Dust “Shotgun” – Paul Brandt: This is the ONLY song that when Tarren gets worked up calms him right down, puts a smile on his face, and then he starts dancing.

This is only a short list – there are many more songs that I could name, but will keep those to myself for now and share them another time.

So sit back, turn on your favourite song, close your eyes, and let the music take hold of you. Let the words speak to you. Let your heart dance with the melody. Remember where you have come from and where you are going.

Life is a dance.