The Door

I've only ever written poetry and stories when I'm upset or feeling really down - never when I'm happy. The words just don't seem to flow as easily. This week I was having a fantastic day and a friend encouraged me to write. This is what I came up with.

I'm standing on a highway in the middle of nowhere alone. Wheat fields on either side of me. I'm standing on the yellow dotted line. Its summer but looks and feels like rain. As I look ahead down the road I see a door and a window but to get to it I need to trek up a hill. I start walking down the road, up the hill until I reach the door. I touch it. It feels warm. I reach for the doorknob and turn it slowly. The door opens and on the other side the sun is shining and the road continues. I take one step over the threshold...then another. I turn around, look back through the door, then close it gently. I start walking down the road. I can feel the sun on my face, there is music in my heart, my steps feel lighter. Almost like I want to dance.

I turn back and see the window. I go up to it and realize that I can look back at what I've left behind me, but the door is locked. I can't go back - only forward, but can always look back to remember where I have come from. But the future is before me. Its time to keep walking down that highway, following those little dotted lines to the next doorway.

Stuck in the mud

Ok. This analogy came to me today and I'm sure anyone who reads this will just laugh and wonder what is wrong with me. Think past the stories/situations. You can see how it resembles life.

Growing up on a farm there were many times we (mom, brother, dad and I) had to chase cattle when either they would break out of the fence, sort them, or move them from pasture to pasture (of course during the coldest, rainiest, snowiest day). (Ok ok...I hid most of the time so I didn't have to go out and chase cattle but I did it enough to come up with these anologies.) Ok, where am I going with this? There really is a life parallel here...just hold on.

Take chasing the cattle from pasture to home (1 mile away from home) for example. Instead of doing things the easy way which would involve bringing the truck and trailer to the pasture, load them in a few at a time, drive them home and let them off in the gate, we would open the gate at the pasture and then have them run down the road all the way home. Does that sound easy? If you think so, then you have never tried it. Remember...the weather is horrible and cattle DO NOT listen. (Dad developed "cow language" - every combination of swears you could ever imagine. Apparently he thought they understood it...I beg to differ.) One of us would be driving the truck pouring chop (ground up grain) on the ground behind the truck to entice them to follow the road. The others would be following them, yelling for them to stay on the road. Of course there was always one that would run off into a field and we had to hope the others didn't follow.

My other example is a little bit better. Take for example you are standing in the cattle pen in your rubber boots in the spring time. You try to move but you are in some of the thickest, heaviest "mud" and you are stuck. Your feet cannot move. Any movement and either you will step right out of your boots into the "mud" or more likely than not, fall flat on your face. Regardless of what you do, you are going to get dirty. You can't just stand there forever not moving forward. So you decide to take a step...and as you suspected, your boots stay firmly planted in the "mud". But, no matter how dirty you are now, it feels so much better to be able to move than to be "stuck". Even if it means you are getting dirty, you know that you are moving ahead.

The second story is so much like my life these days. For so long I felt like I was stuck in the mud and afraid to lose my boots and be walking barefoot in the "mud". But I got to the point where standing still, not moving forward and not moving even backward was only hurting me and those around me. It took a lot of bravery to take that step and risk losing my boots. I did lose the boots but I'm still surviving. I'm still trusting that I'll make it through. But at least there is progress. I'm not standing in one spot anymore. I'm moving ahead. The path is really unclear, but thats ok. I know its there somewhere. I just need to trust that God has a plan for me and my life and that I'll be ok.

I'll be ok. It'll all be ok. It just will take some time and faith.