What's behind the mask?

Stained Glass Masquerade - Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they’ll soon discover
That I don’t belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything’s okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I’ll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

*Chorus*
Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who’s been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who’s traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay

Chorus x2

Well if the invitation’s open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin’ so small



I guess this sort of goes along with the whole "walls" theme. Why do we all feel the need to put on a mask? To pretend everything is fine? That our lives are perfect? And yet we complain that nobody understands us? That nobody has gone through what we are going through or have gone through? Until we start to take off these masks, break down our walls (even just to one other person), nothing will change. We will always feel alone.

This isn't just about the masks of perfection at church - its about everywhere. I'm not saying we should bare our souls to every single person walking down the street that we come in contact with. But with our closest friends. The ones we are supposed to be able to be ourselves with. To lean on for support. To care for. To love. Why can't we just put down the mask, let ourselves be vulnerable. Share what we really feel. What we are going through. Sometimes through our own pain we are helping someone else. Sometimes we really aren't alone in what is happening in our lives - but there is only one way to find out. But it is a terribly scary way to find out.

I'm just as guilty at doing this as everyone else. Sometimes I think I forget what I even look like because its been so long since the mask has been removed. I'm trying, I really am. Around certain people I can take the mask partially off, but it is never fully removed. What will it take to remove the mask fully? I don't know. It's the same thing with the wall. Will it ever come down completely? I doubt it. But I'm slowly chipping away at it.

In the end, to me it comes down to 2 things (well, maybe 3): Trust and Faith...and an awful lot of bravery.

Why Walls...

Well, this is my first post on my first (well second, but first "official") blog. I'm not entirely sure what I'll write about, but those that know me will be the first to say that I won't have a problem thinking of something to write about.

I have titled the blog "Tearing Down the Walls". I'm a wall builder - a mason. I really am a shy person and tend to build walls around me so that I don't get hurt, but in turn that also keeps people out. I'm sure a lot of people do the same thing. I have recently discovered that there are times that building walls is good, but there are also times that it will only hurt you.

Over the past year there have been many changes in my life including a huge move to a city where I knew nobody, starting a home business (that didn't work out), and then starting a new job that I love. It's funny how things seem to fall in place at just the right time...that opportunities present themselves when they are needed most...that God has a hand in our lives. We just need to listen and let Him lead.

So back to the walls...over this past year of massive change I have realized that walls can cause more pain than not having them. That it's worth the risk to take a chance. You only live once. You can't turn the hourglass back over - when that sand runs out, what will you think and feel. Will you be happy? Will you be at peace? Will you have wished you built that wall a little thicker and taller? Or will you be glad you broke it down?

I want to be happy and at peace. And for me, that has meant slowly chipping away at that wall...breaking a tiny hole. Slowly the hole is getting bigger. I'm letting people into my life. Not afraid of being vulnerable. Letting them see the real me. Is it scary? VERY! But is it worth it? MOST DEFINATELY. So far I have developed some of the closest and best friendships I've ever had. And all because I made a decision to stop hiding behind a wall.

But for right now, I think I'll keep slowly breaking the wall down...I'm not quite ready to pull out the jackhammer...maybe in time. ~K