I just wanted to get the lyrics down to a song that has touched my heart. It was part of the church service on Sunday and it brought me to tears. I could relate so closely to the lyrics and I'm sure many others can to.
Be Still - Storyside:B
Remember all the times
the good times and the bad
I'm still holding on to you
Some days I wanna run
and times I come undone
But I still belong to you
Thats how I know that
When I feel like caving in
My heart my soul is wearing thin
I just want to give up
Nothing seems at all to add up
Can you hear me Lord?
My face is down upon the floor
Its then you whisper in my ear
Be still and know I'm here
I see a side of you my friend
the same struggles that I have
My heart goes out to you
I know its hard to feel alone
and this world's so unforgiving
I've been feeling that way too
But I can tell you
When I feel like caving in
My heart my soul is wearing thin
I just want to give up
Nothing seems at all to add up
Can you hear me Lord?
My face is down upon the floor
Its then you whisper in my ear
Be still and know I'm here
Is that you?
Is this me
It's sometimes hard to believe that
I am not alone
Its not just you
And not just me
We all need to believe that
We are not alone
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Thank you...
Writing and journaling has always been an outlet for me. A way for me to deal with my emotions. I still have journals from 10 years ago that I go through on occasion. Mostly to see where I was and how far I've come.
Right now, I am on an emotional rollercoaster. There is so much going on and it just seems that every day brings one more challenge. In these times I'm trying to look for a new blessing, something to be thankful for, something to give encouragement. But some days, it is so hard.
This post probably will be scattered...my mind is racing but feel the need to get everything written out. So I apologize if my blog today makes anyone who actually reads this dizzy...(though I'm not sure anyone really will read it...)
On Saturday, my father-in-law passed away. I have known him for 6 years. 5 years ago, doctors told him he had 5 years to live...they were pretty accurate. We all weren't sure that was really going to be the case. Maybe it was denial. Maybe it was hope. Whatever it was, it doesn't matter. He made it those 5 years and we will all be forever thankful to have gotten to spend that time with him.
In those 5 years he got the chance to see all three of his children get married (including walk his daughter down the aisle 2 weeks before he passed away), experience the joy of playing with his 5 grandchildren, not to mention all the times he got to spend with other family and friends. He also experienced a dream coming true - opening his own antique museum. It was his pride and joy. I have never seen someone more proud of everything he owned and accomplished than on the Grand Opening day.
Last Friday morning he was rushed to the hospital with kidney failure then liver failure. His children and wife were there by his side and got to say their "I love you's" before he was sedated. They were able to pray by his side and be there for his final breath. I know that is something none of them will ever get out of their mind.
I will be honest. I am so incredibly sad. I was the only one (including the other "in-laws") to not have seen him in the hospital. He may not have known any different, but I do. I was watching the kids and thought that I may have another chance or more time. But God had other plans. 2 weeks ago I had promised that I would make him a few apple pies (he loved the pies I made him). I was to bring them over on the weekend...I didn't get that chance.
The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago at his daughters wedding. He was so incredibly happy and proud. I am so glad that is the last memory I have. I am glad that we have many photos of that day to remember him by. The grandkids will only have vague memories (if any...) so it will be incredibly important for us to keep telling stories and showing photos and telling them how much he loved them.
Anyone who has been in this position can relate - its hard being the one in the family (as an in-law) who is there mostly to provide support and hugs for others, where really I'm feeling broken inside too, but need to hold that back and be the strong one. Where do I then turn to for my support? The immediate family is grieving on such a different level - a deeper level than I am or ever could be, but yet doesn't mean I am not grieving as well. How does one provide enough support and strength and encouragement to others when they need the same themself? My friends are my support. My church is my support. So far I have no idea what I would have done without them.
If there is one thing that has touched me, its how important friends are during times of need. I've always been the friend people go to for help or support and rarely am the one who is in a position to need support. I will be eternally grateful for the friends I have and the support and love they give me. I only hope that I can do the same for them and that they know how much I appreciate them and will always be there for them. I don't even know how to thank them. Just saying thanks doesn't seem to be enough...but for all the love and support they have provided and continue to give me, I don't even know where to begin. But I do hope they know how much I appreciate them and love them.
For all the hugs, the shoulders to cry on, the laughs, the encouragement, the prayers, the cookies and icecream :), the special songs, the ears to listen, the eyes to read my jumbled thoughts typed out... THANK YOU. Thank you more than words could ever say.
Right now, I am on an emotional rollercoaster. There is so much going on and it just seems that every day brings one more challenge. In these times I'm trying to look for a new blessing, something to be thankful for, something to give encouragement. But some days, it is so hard.
This post probably will be scattered...my mind is racing but feel the need to get everything written out. So I apologize if my blog today makes anyone who actually reads this dizzy...(though I'm not sure anyone really will read it...)
On Saturday, my father-in-law passed away. I have known him for 6 years. 5 years ago, doctors told him he had 5 years to live...they were pretty accurate. We all weren't sure that was really going to be the case. Maybe it was denial. Maybe it was hope. Whatever it was, it doesn't matter. He made it those 5 years and we will all be forever thankful to have gotten to spend that time with him.
In those 5 years he got the chance to see all three of his children get married (including walk his daughter down the aisle 2 weeks before he passed away), experience the joy of playing with his 5 grandchildren, not to mention all the times he got to spend with other family and friends. He also experienced a dream coming true - opening his own antique museum. It was his pride and joy. I have never seen someone more proud of everything he owned and accomplished than on the Grand Opening day.
Last Friday morning he was rushed to the hospital with kidney failure then liver failure. His children and wife were there by his side and got to say their "I love you's" before he was sedated. They were able to pray by his side and be there for his final breath. I know that is something none of them will ever get out of their mind.
I will be honest. I am so incredibly sad. I was the only one (including the other "in-laws") to not have seen him in the hospital. He may not have known any different, but I do. I was watching the kids and thought that I may have another chance or more time. But God had other plans. 2 weeks ago I had promised that I would make him a few apple pies (he loved the pies I made him). I was to bring them over on the weekend...I didn't get that chance.
The last time I saw him was 2 weeks ago at his daughters wedding. He was so incredibly happy and proud. I am so glad that is the last memory I have. I am glad that we have many photos of that day to remember him by. The grandkids will only have vague memories (if any...) so it will be incredibly important for us to keep telling stories and showing photos and telling them how much he loved them.
Anyone who has been in this position can relate - its hard being the one in the family (as an in-law) who is there mostly to provide support and hugs for others, where really I'm feeling broken inside too, but need to hold that back and be the strong one. Where do I then turn to for my support? The immediate family is grieving on such a different level - a deeper level than I am or ever could be, but yet doesn't mean I am not grieving as well. How does one provide enough support and strength and encouragement to others when they need the same themself? My friends are my support. My church is my support. So far I have no idea what I would have done without them.
If there is one thing that has touched me, its how important friends are during times of need. I've always been the friend people go to for help or support and rarely am the one who is in a position to need support. I will be eternally grateful for the friends I have and the support and love they give me. I only hope that I can do the same for them and that they know how much I appreciate them and will always be there for them. I don't even know how to thank them. Just saying thanks doesn't seem to be enough...but for all the love and support they have provided and continue to give me, I don't even know where to begin. But I do hope they know how much I appreciate them and love them.
For all the hugs, the shoulders to cry on, the laughs, the encouragement, the prayers, the cookies and icecream :), the special songs, the ears to listen, the eyes to read my jumbled thoughts typed out... THANK YOU. Thank you more than words could ever say.
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